Let's have a show where a bunch of people who are dreaming of a stage career have to keep singing a song about dreaming. There's a producer somewhere who must be very pleased with himself I'm sure.
Every time I watch something like 'Over the Rainbow' or 'I'll Do Anything' I spend the entire time going "I could do that!"
I couldn't, but I can dream!
I think I have a very strange relationship with singing, in that I love it, I really genuinely do. More so than I'm capable of expressing with my stunted vocabulary. There's such a feeling of freedom, something intangible happens, which is a bugger because I like things to be both obvious and simple. Anything more will destroy my analysis-reliant way of seeing the world. And if I'm alone, with absolutely NO CHANCE OF BEING HEARD AT ALL WHATSOEVER! I can belt out a tune with the best of them (this is a lie, but that's how it feels). Of course, the second someone is within earshot I can't do it. This is pretty much because I'm very aware that in reality I'm not very good, however in my daydreams I am every major west end role. (And in my imagination, I am very, very good!)
But, I've sort of persevered with singing despite people telling me not to. I still rock up to sing out of tune at the odd choir. My nieces, who must be nice to me because I buy them stuff, have heard me sing almost every song I know, and getting them to sing, to see them genuinely loving it makes me really happy. Few folks have said 'Stop it Evans, you're hurting my ears' in so curt a sentence, (apart from one) but I'm well aware I'm clinging onto a... well, it can't even be described as a dying dream, it was never really alive. And it sucks! To want to be good at something and to suck so badly at something you love doing is a right pain up the arse.
[Just as an aside, I'm listening to an 'Awesome Show tunes'-esque album whilst writing this. Who is this Barbara Streisand.... like, whatever!]
I realise this is a really whiny post after months of nothing (I have no excuse, I am just lazy) but I suppose what really annoys me is that I'm not going to do anything to change the way things are. I'm the only person in the world that gives a damn whether or not I can sing, and I'm neither talented nor charismatic enough for anyone else to bother (I'm doubting anybody would have made it this far through this blog post). I'm not going to get singing lessons because I'm too self conscious, (and probably couldn't afford them), and, as the saying goes, you can't polish a turd. (I hate that phrase! But cannot think of a better way to word it!)
So, back to singing in the shower and quietly hating all the people I meet who actually have talent. I don't care how nice they are, if you can sing and I can't, you are on my hit list.
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